This sprung out of an idle conversation with some excellent folks on twitter during Manchester City’s routine win against United, about which player from each club you take for the Timbers, and then which Timbers player could get into a top Premier League club. This is in no way a suggestion I want any of these players to go, nor should it be taken any more seriously than a post conceived and written after 11PM on a Tuesday deserves.
Darlington Nagbe – Everton (Roberto Martinez)
Martinez inherited a David Moyes team and turned them into a football team. If any manager in the Premier League could turn Nagbe into the consistent attacking force of nature he may one day be, it’s Martinez.
Kalif Alhassan – Newcastle United (Alan Pardew)
We all know Geordies love attacking football so much it gives them diamond-hard nipples. Or it could be the weather, and the lack of clothing. Whichever it is, they’d love Jazz Hands like one of their own, especially for all his faults. Who couldn’t?
Diego Valeri – Liverpool (Brendan Rodgers)
The refined Valeri would fit right at home with Rodger’s… ah fuck it, I just want Nagbe vs Valeri in the big derby match. Give me that1!
Diego Chara – Aston Villa (Paul Lambert)
Aston Villa lead the Premier League in fouls committed, so where better for Diego to feel at home. And bonus – there’s a struggling Scottish manager too!
Will Johnson – Arsenal (Arsene Wenger)
Cos, well, someone needs to give them a kick up the arse.
If you have a short Timbers aside, or just a random Rose City tinted observation you’d like to share, in written or graphical form, send a line to email@example.com
but only after many, many more years of Nagbe & Valeri in the big derby(ies) ↩