I don’t want to get anyone too excited, but the 2017 Portland Timbers are on pace to score an MLS record 170 goals. Just puttin’ that out there.
My God, is this real? Is C.I. really doing a season preview?
Yes. As we enter my fifth season writing this Six Degrees column for Slide Rule Pass, I’m doing my first-ever out-of-season column. Crazy, right?
What can I say? The team’s got me excited. They’re making me want to write words.
So let’s do it. Let’s see if I can shoehorn my thoughts and hopes and worries and bad jokes into six semi-coherent sections.
In the course of five days, the Portland Timbers were knocked out of the Champions League, knocked out of the MLS playoffs, and managed to lose a seemingly unloseable Cascadia Cup. In a year full of bad weeks, I think this week probably qualifies as the worst.
It seems silly to talk about a Colorado game as being ugly. I mean, of course it was ugly. It’s Colorado. That’s what they do.
When you play a game at 5,280 feet, you better get your goals early, because you’re gonna be too tired to get ’em late.
tl;dr, the Timbers didn’t get their goals early.
The Portland Timbers went to Houston this weekend and stumbled around drunkenly for 90 minutes. Meanwhile, the Portland Thorns went to New Jersey and won the Supporter’s Shield. At least we’ve got one good team to root for, right?
Years from now, will people ask, “Were you there for the Darren Mattocks game?” Is that how we’ll look back on Saturday’s game? As the day Mattocks figured it out?
I’ve been jealous lately of my fellow Slide Rule Pass writer John Lawes. He gets to happily write about the consistently awesome Thorns, while I have to somehow find words to say about the maddening mess that is the Timbers.
But hey, what do you know, the Timbers went and won a game this weekend, so by God, I’m gonna write the shit out of it.